We understand how scary it sounds to be a foster parent. We also understand you may not be ready to jump into the deep end right away. One of the best ways to prepare yourself to be a foster parent is to get involved in other ways now.
Here are 5 ways to help kids from foster care without being a parent: Become a CASA One thing often overlooked in the system of overworked caseworkers is what kids want. By becoming a CASA (court appointed special advocate) you are put in a position to advocate for the child. No legal experience is required. You can become a CASA by going through their training program. After completing training you will be assigned to a child and spend time with him on a weekly basis, attend court together and build a relationship so you can voice the child’s wants and desires.
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This is a fictionalized composite from the experiences of multiple foster families.
Derrek & Marie are currently fostering Diego, a 6-year old boy. This is an example of a day in their home. It’s 10:00am and Diego’s Caseworker and Guardian Ad Litem will arrive any minute. There’s fresh coffee in the pot, and Support Team Member, Floyd, has arrived to watch Diego during the meeting. The doorbell rings, and for the next hour Derrek, Marie and the two guests sit around the table talking about Diego’s special needs, how to best parent and support him, as well as the possibility of Diego returning home to his mother, who’s working hard to reunify with her son. Before we decided to become foster parents (with the hope of eventually adopting) we sat down with our kids to make sure they were on the same page. We wanted them to know the hard stuff (this child might be mean and hurt you, Mom is going to have to spend a lot of time with this new child, we are going to have to drive him to lots of appointments, etc) up front. We also told them that for a while, our world was going to be smaller. We'd need to take a break from some activities and not go to some parties because it just might be too much for this child. The kids understood and were on board with our moving forward.
When we were certified as a foster family, we had 3 bio kids at the time. Our oldest was 7, our middle was 6, and we had a 3 year old little girl. We were placed with a 3 1/2 year old little boy, so the two youngest became, in a sense, like twins. Our middle son shared a room with James, our foster son. Parenting kids from hard places can feel like spinning plates. Both take careful timing, intense focus and patient practice. Some things spin faster than others and something is always a bit wobbly. It’s stressful! When the day’s show is over, plate spinners are fatigued, exhausted and ready to let the plates rest awhile. That’s where the commonality ends for many foster and adoptive parents. Our plates rarely rest simultaneously so physical recharging can be as elusive as a full night’s sleep. We need quick, easy-to-do-with-kids around physical refreshers.
True confession, I like some parts of physical recharging better than others. Way better. Five minute power nap-I’m all in. Hydration- water bottle is filled and chilled. Fruits and veggies- five each day. Exercise-not so much. Exercise is important but long term damage to my left leg brings pain and swelling. Exercise recharges me physically but there’s never enough time. Exercise results in more energy but… My doctor said I needed to move from but to and. Exercise is important and there are ways to make it happen. So, I discovered another kind of spinning, the kind that happens while pedaling a stationary bike; to be exact a recumbent bike. Besides switching from but to and, three principles helped me find success with this physical recharge. Most of us are fanatical about keeping our cell phones charged. How else would we stay connected to our family, friends, work and the world? We keep spare chargers in the car for when our phone’s been working overtime to keep us in network. Our need to recharge makes outlets at Starbucks, the airport, even the carwash waiting room prime seating real estate. Knowing the stress a red battery-only 10% power left icon causes, the wise and thoughtful Refresh conference organizers provided a charging station with a slew of at-the-ready charging devices, just one of many ways kin caregivers, foster parents and adoptive parents could recharge at the Refresh conference.
I could use a personal red battery-only 10% power left icon in my life; maybe a drop-down from my eyelashes or a Siri-voice reminder to take a break, refuel, refresh. Unlike my phone, I don’t completely lose power, but I do lose other things. Connection with family and friends. Perspective. Creativity. Good health. Peace of mind. Patience. The losses of not refreshing me are far greater than those caused by a dead phone. I’m longing to move to a way of life where recharging me is as routine as recharging my phone. |
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